I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
