there's paper in my vomit.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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