I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
