If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Come on in and take your pants off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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