Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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