You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
