2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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