Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
