I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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