You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize