the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
