She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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