Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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