you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize