he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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