I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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