WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
