Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
