Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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