I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
