No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize