I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
