Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
