he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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