THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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