and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
