I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
