so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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