Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
