I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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