Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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