This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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