the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can I color on your dick again?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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