dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
