So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You just made me feel so damn special
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
