btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
