We're facebook friends in real life
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
