so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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