We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
