Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
