At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
