was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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