he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
