You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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