I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
