Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
