Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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