Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize