OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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