I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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