My first STD was from a foam party
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
