At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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