Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
