I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your penis caused this!
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