One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
