I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
