I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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