I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
