when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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