I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
