So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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