he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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