college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
