I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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