i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
