C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize