hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
