My nipple is on Facebook.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
