so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
