Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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