So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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