She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
