The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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