From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
