I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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